Salty yellow burining piss too, I'm feelin' like my dick's glued tonight
cause tonight i cannot urinate and that's the issue
feelin like the tissue, got a knife that's swiss through
it and bout right now I'm gonna pass a kidney stone
it really hurt my dong
pass a kidney stone, least it happened while I'ws home

Louie, a guy that you have TO meet, but he's always busy
Business deal Tell 'Em, yeah
Gonna give you money, contracting outside
company is worldwide, entrepeneur

gotta pee hold it try, y… Continue

I'm not the biggest comedy act in the country, state or on YouTube. I'm not even one of the biggest. That doesn't bother me, either. I'm not here to be the biggest. If that were the goal, my actions would be very different.

That's why I'm going to start Operation Make Shit to Sell.

The difference between an artist and an entertainer is that an artist doesn't care if other people get their work. To a degree, I'm an artist. I make what I find funny and I don't make stuff that I don't find funny.… Continue

Norwegian Black Metal fans are generally proving to me how much they suck ass. They are continually writing me comments about how my father's day video isn't real Black Metal, therefore isn't funny and sucks.

No shit it's not really Black Metal, you idiots. I'm making fun of you. It doesn't matter how accurate the metal is. The point I made with that video is that you would never expect some dark metal person to be well-adjusted AND GO FIGURE(!), you guys aren't.

I would like to say "those guy… Continue

Would anyone actually buy a new DVD by me, or would it be for 10 people out of the 10,000 I have subscribed to me on YouTube?

Comment here, @ me on twitter, or hit me up at askpetercoffin|at|gmail|dot|com - I need to know before I go any further working on it.

Last night, right when I laid down, I farted incredibly loud. It smelled like a dying animal, too.

I feel like that dying fart animal is the unplanned nature of what I do in entertainment. I finally kind of have an idea as to what we're going to be doing. My brother Josh thinks starting a production company here would be stupid, because who is going to want commercials or music videos made, right?

I don't think he gets what the Internet has done. I don't think many people get it, honestly. Or… Continue

happy father's day

hey dad, I just wanted you to know
I think you're a really good guy

you raised me with good values
and I use them pretty much everyday

you taught responsibility
and I'm like 4 months ahead in my

car payments, which I think is pretty good
and they approved the mortgage

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GOOD DAD
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hey dad, I bought you a new set of tools
and some passes to go golfing sunday

I hope we can go golfing sunday
I think that would be nice for us

I would not have turned out… Continue

Well, I'm starting to come up with some business ideas, here. Someone bought the house I was trying to get, so suddenly I am back at square one. I got to thinking: wait, I'm young, have some money, know how cameras work, and know how business works. Why am I not doing business on top of what I make for me?

So I talked with Tyler. I think we are going to start a production company. There is an untapped market in the MidWest for music videos and other video production. We can make them super easy… Continue

Check it out: http://petercoffin.spreadshirt.com/...rticle/Rastabortionist-4630729

I have been quite compelled to really try hard to come up with some top-notch shit lately. Seriously. I really want to put out dynamite from now on. Nothing half-assed, even if that means skipping a week. What I am starting to think is that constant output is very important, BUT if it forgoes quality it is not important enough to put stuff out.

So I think the new plan is a continuation of the last few months, where I don't think any duds have come out, but there has not been a schedule. I haven… Continue

I have not said anything on Susan Boyle, because I have been irritated with constant bombardment of her. Truth be told, she is not the best singer I have ever heard and she is made out to be. But now that she has lost, I actually think she might have a chance of bringing some big changes to an industry that has been in dire need of them.

First, anything they write for her to perform is going to have to be good. She can not sell records based on bump/grind music videos. I'm positive almost no on… Continue